It's More Than You Deserve
by The Poet Dante
Summary: [M Language] When you love some one, you two share this bond like no other, yet she leaves you every time for another guy. Not even the right guys. It pains me to see her so clueless, yet it pains me to even think of leaving her. Michael PLEASE R n R
1. Chapter 1

It's More Than You Deserve

The Poet Dante

Chapter 1

Sometimes a lie is all you ever have to cling to. Nothing ever seems to make sense or fit together when you try to make them right. Our rights as human beings are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness right? No one ever told me that that meant that you could try to live how you wanted to but it never quite would work out that way, you could only be as liberal as they told you to be and you could pursue happiness all you like, but it would rarely give itself up.

Oh, put on your make believe face, my paramount companion of twelve years would insist before we left our apartment on the lower east end of New York. It was cold out in the middle of October, yet Michael, the previously referred paramount companion, insisted on wearing his frilly long-sleeve button-down and suspenders from the show he finished earlier that year. Michael did theatre, but he liked to call it "lying with a point." His tall hefty frame dwarfed mine as we ambled down the street with no intent, exchanging intimate jokes. I shuddered as the icy wind blew through my dark tresses that whipped against Michael's chest. In an act of chivalry he embraced me to spread his generous warmth.

We passed by the heat of a coffee shop in the heart of the city and stopped in. After ordering we sat at a table out on the street to admire the lights of the upper east side of the city.

"Your eyes twinkle in the light of all the people's lives." Michael almost recited to me.

Giggling I shrugged it off. Sometimes I feel bad because he was always trying to cheer me up. Spewing compliments as if his life depended on it. Saying things like, "You look wonderful tonight," even though we both knew I looked horrible. Just as he was continuing my eyes caught sight of a brooding raven-haired beauty sweeping past me into the coffee shop. Nodding as if I were listening to Michael I was left in a daze. A few minutes following he caught on.

"Monroe? Are you listening to me?"

Just as those words past, the raven-haired guy came blowing through the door and was approaching. As soon as he reached Michael he briefly smiled before the moment when his skull met the pavement.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Oh, I'm so sorry man. I think your leg caught my foot. You really need to be more careful where you are looking. Are you ok?" Michael said apologetically.

"Yeah man. Totally my fault, I'll be fine." His eyes were dark grey and gorgeous. Sweeping his long hair from his eyes he collected himself from the ground

"Is there anything I can do to make it up?" I blurted out in an embarrassing manner. With a look of surprise he took a moment to recover. Shrugging it off he saw the pin on my shirt and immediately got excited.

"Do you listen to Papercut?"

Petrified that he spoke to me I replied shakily, "Yeah." I seemed to get more relaxed and fell into a story. "Actually Michael here took me to go see one of their concerts a few weeks back and got me this pin." Almost immediately realizing my manners I introduced Michael. He asked for my name, to which he replied Aiden. As it turns out there was a Papercut concert down the street and his friend could get us in. I twisted to face Michael and queried on his position on the matter. Something wasn't quite right about his face but he replied normally that he had something to do that night. I told him to come with but he resisted, something about an early morning. I left him to finish his coffee at the table.

Aiden told me all about working as a manager for this club called Spike. It was a music club that featured a range of acts throughout the week. He spoke of all the insecurities that he had about dating. It was almost as though he could pry into my soul like a thief in the night. He was romantic as he took my hand just as we got to the club. Staring deep into my eyes he said, "I got a surprise."

We entered the club through the side door into a small red and black room with instruments, clothes and vodka scattered. He called through a door on the other side of the room for a man named Jimmy. Whispering ever so slightly to him the man took off running. As soon as Aiden could sit next to me on the lipstick red couch reeking of sex, Jimmy was back with four guys in boxers.

"Monroe, meet Brent, Matt, Astrid and Marv."

With and almost disapproving look I shook their hands politely and introduced myself and mother had taught me. In the awkward silence Aiden noted that these guys were in a band. As if I were struck with lightning I sprang up and yelled, "You're Papercut! Oh my fucking God! I didn't recognize you without the make-up. Do you remember me? I was with a big guy and you signed his chest?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Yeah, Mike. We still keep in touch. Sorry about the way we're dressed, kinda like to keep it loose before a show." Replied Marv obviously used to this kind of thing.

I wasn't the least bit disturbed, as I normally would have been if I had been locked in a room with 5 guys, four of which were half naked. We watched the concert from the side of the stage and recited all the songs by heart together in sync. Around one, the concert ended and Aiden, the band, some other people and I took to parting in the lounge that we had previously met. We raged on till around five in the morning. Aiden grasped my pinky and led me to a spiral staircase. We went on for what seemed like forever when he finally reached a wooden door. The anticipation made my heart flutter like a dying butterfly clinging to the last bit of life. He passed me up through it first and I caught sight of a couch on the roof. We rested on the couch facing the east. Looking at his watch he counted down, "five, four, three."

Before I could question why he was counting he tilted my head towards the front just as the sun was peaking over the horizon. He kissed me just as the first rays reached the first skyscraper. At that moment I knew that what we had was special. Rooftops and sunrises.

I tiptoed home the six blocks in the brisk minutes of the morning. I was lost in the story of love. I know that it was only one night, but I knew that it was special. I fumbled to get into the apartment as the keys froze my fingers like long forgotten fish sticks. Quietly I tottered over through Michael's doorframe and silently eased into his bed. Peeking through the black down-feather comforter he stared at me. I greeted him as best I could at six in the morning. He merely rolled over to the other side of his, "queen-size love nest," as he liked to call it. I got out of his bed to place my watch and other items on his dresser. I always wondered why he called it his love nest because he never had anyone else in it but me. I placed my watch next to his and came across two tickets for last nights Papercut concert. With surprise I slipped into bed behind him and questioned about the tickets. Michael's only reply was an audible mumble from his rolled over position. I fell asleep in that arrangement only to wake up around noon to the smell of bacon and no Michael, which could only mean one thing. BLT.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It seemed as though nothing had even happened the night before. We watched our movie of choice for the day, Rocky Horror Picture Show, ate BLTs and spilled our hearts out for each other. Michael got the call of nature just as the phone rang. He insisted that I let the machine get it. As he closed the door I heard a voice that made everything go back to last night. "Hey Monroe? It's me, Aiden. I thought maybe we could do something later. Call me."

I sighed, rooftops and sunrises just as Michael emerged from his sanctuary. He gave me a puzzled look and questioned my momentary insanity. I spilled like a lopsided pot filled with jumping beans. I dished about everything even the kiss. Michael could tell that I had a great time and was happy for me. All of a sudden he said he felt tired. I rushed to join him in his nap as always but he stopped me and replied I had other things to do. He knew I didn't have anything to do, but maybe he figured I had plans with Aiden. Without a second thought I picked up the phone and the rest is our relationship. Rooftops and sunrises.

Time has flown like nothing over the past few months. I spend most of my time with Aiden, when he isn't working. I didn't realize how demanding being a manager was. He goes places for work at all hours of the day, no matter what we are doing. Those are the times that I spend with Michael. It seems that he has less and less time to spend with me. He discloses that he has a lady that needs to be attended to, but I highly doubt it. He is currently in a revival of a little show called; It's More Than You Deserve. I think it is great and Michael looks more and more like Meatloaf with every costume change for rehearsal. We hardly spent time together with Aiden. I know something is bothering one of them, but I just can't put my finger on it.

Over the next month it just didn't seem the same between Aiden and me. He calls me a different name sometimes while we are out. He says that it was a slip up of an old girlfriend. Aiden constantly assured me that I am the only one in his life and that no matter what we would always have rooftops and sunrises.

I spent a lot of time that month with Michael, which didn't seem to bother Aiden much. Tonight Michael is taking me to watch a movie. This was no ordinary movie, but a drive in movie club. It was so exclusive that a theatre cast member could only invite you.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Behind an old building there was a sheet hung like a ghost of what used to thrive here. We shared his black comforter in the back of his black pick-up truck as we waited for the movie to start. It eventually grew chilly and he was gracious enough to share his warmth again like old times. I sunk deep into the nook of his chest and dozed off. In a half sleep I could feel his arms close around me, keeping me safe, reminding me why we had been friends for so long. I sprang up at seven the next morning in the same spot, to a sleeping Michael. Flustered out of his restful sleep by my sudden stir, Michael quickly remedied the situation by leaving the bed of the truck.

It was left at that as we went home to get ready. The next few days went on as if nothing had ever happened, only an awkward mood hung over the both of us like we both knew what happened. Again like nothing had ever happened Aiden called. He informed me that he was sorry but he had to break our date for that afternoon because he had to work with the new bartender, Jack. Since neither of us had any other plans for the rest of the day, Michael and I decided to roam the streets of our fair city as we used to. In light of our current mood of displacement I was determined to make things right again. All he could hear was our footsteps as I led Michael, blindfolded to Spike. Jimmy was at the door and cordially let us enters, seeing as I was dating the manager. Up the staircase to the roof I pulled on Michael's hand urging him on just a little more.

I pushed through the door to the roof and the smile that once was for the approaching surprise, turned into a frown of disgust. There on the couch that Aiden and I had had our first kiss was Aiden and another girl. Michael seeing the confrontation slipped back down the stairs.

"So this is Jack? This is work? She looks more like a Jacqueline!" wiping away the lie of love stinging my eyes I managed to choke out, "I can't believe I loved you."

Leaping from the couch he grabbed my shoulder and yelled at me. Before listening to any of his lies I swung around and told him to take his slut and leave. Shame and embarrassment was apparent as he led his date to the door. Just before his head slipped past the door he gave me a sorrowful look and recited with question, "rooftops and sunrises?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Leaping from the couch he grabbed my shoulder and yelled at me. Before listening to any of his lies I swung around and told him to take his slut and leave. Shame and embarrassment was apparent as he led his date to the door. Just before his head slipped past the door he gave me a sorrowful look and recited with question, "rooftops and sunrises?"

I glared at him with daggers in my eyes and yelled, "No, no Aiden, you have ruined rooftops and sunrises for me. You have ruined love for me!" In a menacing manner I crept towards the two of them down the tight staircase. Spewing profanities I took hold of a glass at the bar that was beneath the staircase. Throwing the last of the daggers in my eyes I flung the glass at them. With each shattered shard ringing I realized what a vile place the earth was. My last ounce of strength left me on the floor next to the lipstick red couch that once held quite dear memories. Suddenly I was conscious of the other person that was in the room, standing quietly as always, Michael. Like a fawn in the headlights of an unbeknownst driver I flew myself at his feet.

"Michael what did I ever do to receive such retribution? Why is it that every time I find something good it goes bad? Why does everyone around me spurt nothing but lies? The world just lives to crap on me all the time! Everyone I ever get close to hurts me and leaves me to die. Why am I so forsaken, will no one show me pity?"

I searched for the sparkle in his eye that always was. But they were blank. I grasped his hand in a desperate attempt to find the gracious warmth. But he was frozen over. I tried to find some validation. I frantically looked for some sign of the words, put on your make believe face. But nothing. This was not my paramount friend, just Michael. Fear filled the pit of my belly. It filled that hole that had been left there time after time of heartbreak. I lurched to beg him for something but he simply tugged away.

With no emotion he ranted, "Pity? You want pity when all you ever do is wallow in self-pity. You would think that there would be more than enough to go around. You have done nothing but complain Monroe. Why do all the good things go bad? You never think about things, always chasing and never stopping to think that maybe you have had a good thing all along. Maybe, just fucking maybe you would see that I never hurt you. I never once lied to you. For over a decade I sat idly and watched you run your life into the ground. I waited for the day that you would finally realize how I felt for you. I am the only man that has ever loved you. I still do and always will, but you have broken my heart."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

In awe of Michael's self-expression I lay in a lump on the floor of the room. His footsteps headed for the door as I pounced at his feet, weeping for mercy. I spoke in a meek tone that I thought would appease the giant that I had smashed.

"I…. I never knew that you felt that way."

Almost in a jealous rage he swung around to face me. "Never knew? Never knew? Let me count off the reasons you should have known, twelve years. We have lived together for how long? We share a bed, I make you feel incredible unconditionally, never expecting anything in return. The tickets for the concert, I was going to propose to you. I know that we aren't together, but I thought I would take a shot. I fucking tripped Aiden the night you met. I mean I could tell you were eying him and couldn't afford to lose you again to another meaningless relationship that would eventually lead you to another break down. I mean I call my bed, "the queen-sized love nest," for God's sake. God damn it are you that self centered to notice that you were the only one that was ever in that bed?" A slight pause and the realization of time he said, "I have a show."

And that was it. I was left to my own devices in a heap on the floor. Twice dumped in a few minutes. How could I ever be so clueless to his feelings? They were quite obvious, if I had just bothered to open my eyes to what was always right in front of me. Shocked I lay there for a couple of hours until I knew what I had to do.

Flying down the street like a bat out of hell I raced towards the Lexicon Theatre. I ran over what I was going to say to him in my head. Over and over like a broken record I repeated as I got to the ticket office. The boy explained that the show was almost over and that it would make no sense to purchase a ticket at that time. I insisted whole-heartedly as I shook the plexi-glass window that stood between the two of us. Ticket stub in hand I burst through the door to the surprise of many people in the back of theatre.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Entranced I stood fixated on Michael. There he was, the only one that had ever been there for me. There was blue-green light that cast down on him from the center of the stage that made him seem like a solemn angel. The broken hearted angel that I had made him. His head was slanted down towards the floor, hair hanging in his eyes and he was dressed in a white long sleeve button down, as I remember him from before. In the strong operatic voice that he had, he started the final song.

"From the very first moment I saw you I knew our love would be so strong. And the very first moment I kissed you I knew our joy would last so long. And then I saw you making love to my best friend. I didn't know whatever to say. I saw you making love to my best friend. So I looked him right in his eyes and I said; listen boy, won't you take some more, it's what you came for. And don't mind me I won't throw you no curves. Have yourself a ball with my good women. Won't you take some more boy, it's more than you deserve. Won't you take some more boy, it's more than you deserve"

It all made too much sense; Michael wanted me to be here tonight. He stared intently at me as he sung the line, "its more than you deserve." I knew exactly what he meant. I didn't deserve to be loved because I was so self-centered. It was always me getting hurt and nothing else ever mattered. He was right; I didn't deserve him. He was truly more than I deserved.

I counted the steps that led me to the door backstage as if my life depended on it. I was a sweating like a whore in church because of my nerves. My heart seemed to beat slower with each step. I guess you always feel worse knowing that there is no mystery to your journey. My heart stopped dead in my chest, as he stood looking no less glorious than a god. Sweaty and spent he was nonchalantly standing talking to some other people who didn't seem to matter at the moment. Seeing him in a whole new light almost made me weep at my sadness, and then stop to keep from reverting to my self-centered way of life. He saw me but ignored as I had done to him for so many years. My insides screamed for him yet all that escaped was a mousey excuse.

"Michael?"

There was a part of him that wanted to respond, the part that had spent twelve long years with me. The other part on the other hand wanted to and did ignore me. It ignored me for hurting him and I didn't blame him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"I see that I was wrong for all these years. It wasn't fair of me to be so self-involved and ignore your feelings. I realize that I need you now. There wasn't a time that you were never there; I will die without you. I will try my best; that is all I can offer you. I will try this time to repay you for all the times that you cradled me and nursed me from my depressive states. I have changed. Everything can go back to the way it used to be, but better because…"

I paused to meet his reaction, but there was none. I couldn't say what he said to make a difference. I meant it with all my heart, but I could never put it the way that he did. In a magnificent sweeping motion he turned his back on me. Not just literally, but figuratively as well. I could already tell that he had shut me out of his heart. In a last attempt to save what intense love we once had I twirled him about. Holding him in my arms I made the grand gesture of a kiss. Long, deep and bold.

"Because, I love you."

Tearing himself from my grip I knew at last that he had made up his mind, and there was absolutely no changing it. There was a new look of distain that I had never seen in Michael before. His words cut me like a rusty razor.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It is too little, too late."

He turned the other way and sauntered through the sea of people that littered the backstage area. This time I didn't stop him. There was nothing more I could do; he had made up his mind. Maybe he was right, it was too little too late. Everything that he said seem to plunge deep on a personal level that I was sure he meant to hit. Dejected and despondent I wandered home. There was no other place to go. I pondered the thought: if you are dead on the inside, but alive on the outside, who is to say that you are either one, neither or both? Where does one stuck in this limbo go?

I had submerged myself in Michael's comforter, trying to recapture the glory of, "the queen sized love nest." I let the tears trickle down my cheeks this time. There was truly a great loss in my life that day. If there was ever a time that I questioned my past relationships and the worth of it all, it was now. Nothing could ever measure up to this. At the peak of my sorrow I heard the door creak open wide. Just wide enough for the wide frame of a large man to comfortably pass through. He was home.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Without a word I felt Michael slip in behind me. He eased himself into the bed and closed his arms around me. I turned over on the bed to bury my face in his chest and let my tears stain his button down shirt. It smelled like sweat and hard work, but comforted me. I looked up at him in the dim light of the street lamp with a sense of, "why?" Aiming his gaze away from me he replied without my posing a question.

"You did hurt me. But like I said, I will always love you. There is apart of me that would wait forever for you to return my love, a big part. But then there is a small, but very influential part that says that it isn't worth all the heartache. You touched that part briefly, but I wasn't going to let my twelve years of work go to waste."

With almost a puzzled look on his face he made everything go back to the way it was before.

"Oh, come on. Put on your make believe face?"


End file.
